Confessions
I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself--after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
Romans 7:14-20 (The Message)
In my life, I have not always been a model of Christ.
I have spoken poorly of those I love.
I have talked behind the backs of my coworkers.
I have vented about people I love to other people I love.
I yell at people in cars that aren't driving exactly as I want them to.
I refer to people as EGR's (extra grace required) forgetting that I am one too.
My actions and my words don't always match.
I'm horrible about giving compliments.
I'm horrible about telling you that what you're doing bothers me.
I say yes when I mean no.
I lie, even though that is the most detestable thing to me.
I question the motives of decision makers behind their backs.
I'll tell you to your face that I'm happy for you, but behind your back, I'll say exactly what I think.
I use foul language when I'm upset, or when I think it will be funny.
This is not a reflection of God or his Goodness. It's not a sign of what Jesus must have been like or how He feels about us.
It is simply my poor choices. My free will. My imperfections.
Please, don't blame my Heavenly Father or other Christians for what I alone have done.
Judge me if you must, but leave them out of it.
Romans 7:14-20 (The Message)
In my life, I have not always been a model of Christ.
I have spoken poorly of those I love.
I have talked behind the backs of my coworkers.
I have vented about people I love to other people I love.
I yell at people in cars that aren't driving exactly as I want them to.
I refer to people as EGR's (extra grace required) forgetting that I am one too.
My actions and my words don't always match.
I'm horrible about giving compliments.
I'm horrible about telling you that what you're doing bothers me.
I say yes when I mean no.
I lie, even though that is the most detestable thing to me.
I question the motives of decision makers behind their backs.
I'll tell you to your face that I'm happy for you, but behind your back, I'll say exactly what I think.
I use foul language when I'm upset, or when I think it will be funny.
This is not a reflection of God or his Goodness. It's not a sign of what Jesus must have been like or how He feels about us.
It is simply my poor choices. My free will. My imperfections.
Please, don't blame my Heavenly Father or other Christians for what I alone have done.
Judge me if you must, but leave them out of it.
posted by Jen | 2:43 PM
1 Comments:
Jen,
Keep writing. I need you. I am in the lowest possible of all human places. I need to connect my spirit to God's again. Your writing helps me tremendously. It illuminates my path. It shows me an amazingly tender heart of a human and her expression of that to the object of her passion... Her God. Please don't stop pouring your heart and spirit out. Know that you are ministering to me and while you do that, you are using your gift to please God. I am grateful for you and the friendship that you are not even aware we have.
Paula
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