An "Ah-ha" Moment
Last night, I set my alarm for 4:30am - just like I do every night. The idea is that I will get out of bed, exercise for an hour, and spend time with God for an hour before getting ready for work. It's a time just for me to get focused and energized before getting swept away by the tidal wave called life. However, in the last two or three months, I haven't been able to drag my sorry self out from under the covers. There has been no exercising and no time with God.
My life lately has been so busy that I haven't had a day to myself in I don't know how long. The house is a total wreck, my poor hubby and I have been living out of a laundry basket for quite some time now, and dinner usually consists of a bowl of cereal or an egg sandwich. Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and kiss the "World's greatest Wife" award goodbye for this year.
So, this morning, I finally got out of bed at 6:30am. After completing all the usual morning tasks - shower, dress, make-up, pack lunches, and pray with my hubby (I'm not a totally incompetent wife), and before dashing out the door for my hour long commute, I had 5 minutes that were unspoken for. (singing) Alleluia! I got down on my knees before my God right there in the living room. I said nothing, but waited expectantly for Him to speak. Even if He chose not to say anything, I knew that no time spent in worship to the Lord is wasted.
After about a minute, I began to confess to Him all the things that were overwhelming me in my life. I spoke about what I wished my life looked like, how I wished so badly that I could get up and exercise and spend time with him. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I said. "I have the desire, but I am incapable of making good choices!" And that's when He spoke. "That's right" was all He said. "I am incapable" I said again. "Uh huh" he answered. I let it sink in. "But, God is capable" I listened. Nothing. I thought about how Christ died for me so that I could have abundant life. My life was looking more like government surplus rather than abundance. Then, I saw a picture in my mind. I was a cartoon character bowing at the feet of Jesus, only the feet took up the entire picture - I'm talking huge - like 40 stories high. And then, descending from the top of the picture, came these great big hands. They had nail scars in the palms, and they were cupped as if offering to take something from me. So, in keeping with the verse in 1Peter - cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you - I started to put everything that was overwhelming me into the capable hands of my savior. I was timid at first, reluctant to let go, as I watched the word "laziness" slowly slide over his fingers. I watched as it bumped and jumped over the folds in his flesh until it came to rest at the bottom. It looked so tiny is His massive hands. I reached for the next one, and with a toss, "I"m a slug" landed inside those loving hands. I felt like a little child who has made an amazing revelation as I looked up (way up) into the smiling eyes of my Heavenly Father. My heart was bursting with excitement as I turned around and began throwing things in left and right. As fast as I could, I flung all my burdens into the hands of my savior - in went fear, disappointment, frustration, pictures of my cluttered house, overgrown flowerbed, messy car, appointment book, etc. Once I got tired of throwing everything in one at a time, I just picked up the entire box of crap and dumped it in. Once again, I stuck my head over the side and peered in. His hands were not full. Not even close. All of those things that were so huge to me, that I could not possibly lift (let alone carry) on my own were tiny little specks inside the mighty, powerful, loving hands of Jesus.
My God is HUGE! He is smart and fast and strong. He is capable and mighty. The best thing is, He loves me. I am his child, created in His image, and His hands are always open.
*This article was published in the January 2006 edition of Cross Times*
My life lately has been so busy that I haven't had a day to myself in I don't know how long. The house is a total wreck, my poor hubby and I have been living out of a laundry basket for quite some time now, and dinner usually consists of a bowl of cereal or an egg sandwich. Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and kiss the "World's greatest Wife" award goodbye for this year.
So, this morning, I finally got out of bed at 6:30am. After completing all the usual morning tasks - shower, dress, make-up, pack lunches, and pray with my hubby (I'm not a totally incompetent wife), and before dashing out the door for my hour long commute, I had 5 minutes that were unspoken for. (singing) Alleluia! I got down on my knees before my God right there in the living room. I said nothing, but waited expectantly for Him to speak. Even if He chose not to say anything, I knew that no time spent in worship to the Lord is wasted.
After about a minute, I began to confess to Him all the things that were overwhelming me in my life. I spoke about what I wished my life looked like, how I wished so badly that I could get up and exercise and spend time with him. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I said. "I have the desire, but I am incapable of making good choices!" And that's when He spoke. "That's right" was all He said. "I am incapable" I said again. "Uh huh" he answered. I let it sink in. "But, God is capable" I listened. Nothing. I thought about how Christ died for me so that I could have abundant life. My life was looking more like government surplus rather than abundance. Then, I saw a picture in my mind. I was a cartoon character bowing at the feet of Jesus, only the feet took up the entire picture - I'm talking huge - like 40 stories high. And then, descending from the top of the picture, came these great big hands. They had nail scars in the palms, and they were cupped as if offering to take something from me. So, in keeping with the verse in 1Peter - cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you - I started to put everything that was overwhelming me into the capable hands of my savior. I was timid at first, reluctant to let go, as I watched the word "laziness" slowly slide over his fingers. I watched as it bumped and jumped over the folds in his flesh until it came to rest at the bottom. It looked so tiny is His massive hands. I reached for the next one, and with a toss, "I"m a slug" landed inside those loving hands. I felt like a little child who has made an amazing revelation as I looked up (way up) into the smiling eyes of my Heavenly Father. My heart was bursting with excitement as I turned around and began throwing things in left and right. As fast as I could, I flung all my burdens into the hands of my savior - in went fear, disappointment, frustration, pictures of my cluttered house, overgrown flowerbed, messy car, appointment book, etc. Once I got tired of throwing everything in one at a time, I just picked up the entire box of crap and dumped it in. Once again, I stuck my head over the side and peered in. His hands were not full. Not even close. All of those things that were so huge to me, that I could not possibly lift (let alone carry) on my own were tiny little specks inside the mighty, powerful, loving hands of Jesus.
My God is HUGE! He is smart and fast and strong. He is capable and mighty. The best thing is, He loves me. I am his child, created in His image, and His hands are always open.
*This article was published in the January 2006 edition of Cross Times*
posted by Jen | 10:55 AM
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