A Breath of Fresh Air

Glimpse the Living God.

Location: Virginia, United States

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Who Me?

I feel completely inadequate to be writing this blog. I have not been spending quality time with the Lord lately. I'm not even sure why. I love reading the Bible and I love basking in the presence of my God, but life is running over me like a heard of elephants! These are not the typical elephants either, they're those big suckers from Lord of the Rings! Every time I lift my head and struggle to my feet, I'm pounded into the ground again. I need to take control of my life - learn to say no - and let go control of that which does not belong to me.

I've begun to realize that I don't really trust the Lord at all. I don't trust Him to be who He says he is - I let life circumstances override what I know to be true. I don't trust that His way is the best way, or that He has my best interest in mind. I have enough head knowledge to teach a class, but when it comes to actually living what I profess to know, I fall dramatically short. I say, Lord use me in any way that you want to. I'm your servant here to do your will. Then, when He tells me - I want to meet with you daily and I want you to write amazing plays and books for my glory - I have so many excuses about why I couldn't possibly do that.

What I know is that He begins where I end. He knows what I don't. He can do through me what I can't do on my own. His love, mercy, compassion, joy, and strength are never ending and at my disposal. He is able to do exceedingly more than all I ask or imagine. The next step is to choose to believe it. To take a step of faith and trust God to be what He says He is. To trust that He really does love me.

I don't fully grasp His amazing love for me; I probably never will, but what I do need to hold on to is the concept that God loves me because I am his child - not because of anything I've done (or not done). He wants to spend time with me for some reason. I may never know why, but what I need to understand is that I don't do Him any favors by withholding myself from Him. I hurt His feelings, go against His perfect plan for my life, and cheat myself and Him out of the best relationship in the history of the world - creator and creation.

Lord, Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts and your ways are higher than my ways. Teach me what it is to truly and completely believe that. Decrease me until there is no me left - only You.


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